Secret Archives

PLEASE NOTE: The following columns are a sample of those published in The University Register from 1996 - 1999. It may not be the best sample of Abe's columns. In fact, you might find it downright insulting that some of these ever made it into print.

Many of these columns are jam-packed with inside references that might have made sense to readers at the University of Minnesota, Morris back when they were printed. But if you had better things to do, you wouldn't have stopped by this page in the first place. So read on. It's your life.

And if, by some chance, a student in Abe's newswriting & reporting class should find these columns, they are not to be regarded as models of appropriate style, grammar, or decency.

1996-1997: Little columnist in the big prairie

Sweeps week for beginners - Feb. 20, 1997

1997-1998: The fine line between stinky and smelly

Student organizations freshen up for the new year - Oct. 2, 1997

Learn all seven wonderful liberal arts - Oct. 9, 1997

Let's sell babies to fund brothels - Oct. 16, 1997

Finally, some role models who truly KARE - Oct. 23, 1997

Snapple fun in the sun for everyone - Oct. 30, 1997

I am not a grouch… on if they fought - Nov. 6, 1997

Watch out for your alter ego - Nov. 20, 1997

A 1997 mad lib: The humorous vs. the grotesque - Jan. 15, 1998

From the mailbag: The tumor has it it's puce - Jan. 29, 1998